Your Emotional Journey In The Early Days Following Your Relationship Break Up Or Separation-What To Expect!
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You may notice that your emotions are different to other people who are separated. This appears, in part,to depend on who has ended the relationship- whether its you or your ex partner. The person who suggests the relationship is over may have had many months and often years to think about their decision,therefore they have travelled along the emotional road before their partner. They are also feeling different emotions, probably more guilt,releif and sadness , rather than the shock,rejection, anger, greif and confusion of the partner who is left.
Comment from "Mike", a participant in one of The Divorce Recovery Centre's "Recovery" workshops who went through his own Separation and Divorce, and who kindly agreed to share his experiences and insights and to appear on the "Recovery" DVD Set we recently produced :
"When i hear about relationships between people , or marriages, whatever the case may be, breaking up, for whatever reason, i feel for them-i really do, because i know the pain they are going to go through-everyone goes through it in one way,shape or form. Initially one will hurt more than the other,in the beginning, normally the "dumpee", the person that gets left behind. The person that leaves, the"dumper",thinks they've done the right thing, and they may have. But at some period of time, maybe at a later stage ,they go through a lot of pain too-in my case 18 months later and i just couldnt appreciate how that could happen: that after 18 months of me making the "decision",i was the dumper, thinking i'd "moved on" and living in what i thought was my own "single man's paradise",after 18 months i found myself falling apart. So i empathise with people-i think we all suffer through it (a relationship breakdown).
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Sorry to hear about your matrimonial case duly spoiled by your learned lawyers.
Let me suggest one thing,wait for the new Marriage Amendment Bill,2010 to get approved by the Indian parliament, let the amendment suggested in that Bill be made part of the Hindu Marriage Act,1955/Special Marriage Act,1954.
The amendment in section 13-B of the HMA or section 28 of the SMA with regard to divorce by mutual consent is very clear with regard to the time period of six months to eighteen months which will be deleted and the Petition filed for divorce by mutual consent by both parties get decided immediately without waiting for the minimum six months period that seems to be point of conflict for you with present legal system.
The present lawyer is himself not aware of the the said Bill nor he ever read the Judgement of the Supreme Court of India wherein the motion for divorce by mutual consent can be moved by both parties in person or through representation this the reason why the District Judge of Family Court in Saket Court allowed your husband representation through his power of attorney.
The Petition for divorce, affidavit of both parties are to be signed by both parties only but that can be filled by the POA, this what this all means, his father is no one to sign the joint petition for divorce or give affidavit on his behalf, his dad only represent him in the court room carrying all these documents signed by him duly attested by Notary Public/Indian Consulate in any foreign country.
The alimony issue if that was not agreeable to you to be paid balance amount only at the time of second motion, it should have been pointed out by you in the Apex Court, why this was not done by your learned lawyer, was he defending you or your husband on this account? The amount of alimony can even be given in three or four instalments also and let final instalment be second motion, this how your lawyer should have suggested the Hon’ble bench of the Apex court.
The alimony to be paid in second motion means till that time you wait for financial help from others, and the second motion get delayed on one ground or other.
The amendment in the law for deleting the time period means that there you get decision of divorce, alimony etc in one motion itself and no need for waiting for second motion to happen and even if that has to take place it will not be after six months as it so happens now.
A joint petition for divorce by mutual consent by both parties can be filled in the District court in India where the parties got married or are residing, this petition is heard in presence of both parties ,their statement for the divorce recorded & a date after six months is given for second motion when once again both parties are supposed to appear in person, once again confirm their intention for the divorce, followed by court’s order for dissolving the marriage by decree of divorce.
They haven’t signed the Hague treaty. They cannot even locate terrorists in Pakistan. I’m sorry but you married an idiot who cared nothing for you. I’m really sorry. It must be awful to have a child abducted. For anyone reading this, don’t marry someone from an Islamic state who could potentially flee to their homeland with your kids if things go sour.
Query regarding mutual divorce in Delhi’s district court?
i am a hindu female,married in delhi in 2006.marriage registered.
my divorce settlement in Delhi high court mediation centre was dun in august ’09.i had signed it under duress,because of pressure from mediator who favoured the other party.
in july this year we went to SC where i was supposed to get divorce on same day. the judges told us that:
* the divorce cant be done thru power of attorney,because my husband is in dubai.
* he has to come personally.
* i can get it only after 6 months,during 2nd motion when i also get bak my remaining alimony as settled.but i got 70% of the settled alimony.
* same day,the SC quashed the 498A case and also the divorce filed by hubby from kolkata (his parents’ home)
after this hearing,the mediator and my lawyer decided that we’ll try in saket district court for waiving off 6 months period.
my inlaws meanwhile went for a long holiday abroad,relaxed that FIR is quashed.mediator fixed date of first motion on 1st oct,ie after 3 months,even though we wanted an earlier date.
on 1st oct,the judge in saket court said that 6 months period cant be waived off as per SC ruling.inlaws and mediator said my hubby cant come to india so divorce shud be according to POA only,which the judge agreed to,even though SC had disallowed POA.so they dont want to give me my remaining alimony,becoz SC has said i will get it only on 2nd motion.But they themselves defying SC rule that divorce cannot happen thru POA,ie,they only follow those SC rules that suit them.
now 1st nov is fixed for the first motion wen they come ready with a new POA,because the present POA is an old one.this date is again fixed as per inlaws’ convenience,helped by mediator,while my lawyer goes by what they say.we wanted the new POA in 15 days only.
So ever since our hearing at SC, 4 months have been wasted which also includes holiday of inlaws.
i want to know:
1. can inlaws waste so much time with mediator’s support?
2. can they disobey SC rule that says divorce can happen only in husband’s presence?
3. my mediator who favored them during mediation keeps coming to all these hearings.is her role not over now?
( we see a a new lawyer each time with my inlaws & mediator,ie,they have no fixed lawyer.but all representation in court hearings is dun by mediator.this new lawyer is just for name sake,because only the mediator prepared the MCD petition.the new lawyer just stand quietly in court.
i also know is she’s powerful and has good contacts with judges in Delhi high court.so my lawyers also have bowed to her till now.)
4. the SC had said i will get my remaining money only on 2nd motion.now if they are taking so much time,what can i do? when i ask my lawyer,he says nothing can be done.
so as a result i am without any maintenance or interest money for the time being.but i received 70% of agreed alimony.
please advice.my lawyer doesnt seem to be helpful.in the past hearings also either he forgets to come to court,or comes v.late.and we have spent 90,000 on him already.
now what am i supposed to do ?
is it all going fine? because of total lack of support,i am so depressed.
my case was v.strong(desertion,mental cuelty,economic abuse,etc)but because it was handled so badly,this is what i have got.
dear bharat & others
wen my case was settled last year the FEMALE lawyer representing me was from a popular legal aid centre of delhi.
But she took 6 months to draft my DV case becoz of her carelessness(losing documents,adding wrong info in the petition,etc)
During mediation,she hardly spoke a word to support me ,coz of which i signed under duress,even though she said after the settlement that the settlement has not been proper.
Wen DV case was finally filed,this lawyer and the clerk always made me send court notices to hubby and inlaws ,& also notices thru embassy,etc.this also went on for 4-5 months.
Once wen i had my exam on day of 1st mediation hearing i requested her for date change,but she did not get it dun,due to which i performed badly in that paper becoz i kept getting calls from mediator as to why i did not turn up.
so during my exams only i attended next mediation hearing coz of which i got avg. marks,because of so much stress…dats why i went to this present lawyer after this settlement with whom my fees was fixed at 1 lakh.
now this new lawyer also dint support me in the present hearing post the settlement,as is evident from the case I told u till now
I m jobless…my dad is retd. And only mum works as a teacher…so it’s hard to spend on a new lawyer again.
So I don’t know wot to do…I hv no approach and don’t know any hard working ,aggressive and honest lawyer in delhi,who knows my financial staus.